Shawn: So what exactly are we gonna say to coach shit-for-words to get out of football camp?
Nick: What every kid says to get out of everything he doesn’t wanna do.
Nick: So not only do I find out yesterday I’m adopted, the people I’ve been calling Mom and Dad are actually infertile imposters who bought me outside of a meth clinic in Cincinatti for two boxes of Sudafed, but I also get this new dropped on me: my birth father, Bruce, well he needs a kidney and I’m the only match. And apparently Bruce needs it stat. You need it stat, Bruce!? Huh?! Well maybe I needed a father stat instead of my stay-at-home Dad who showers me with love every day of my life this goddamn sperm-less liar! So now I gotta be at Kaiser Permenente tomorrow at 6 AM. I know, Bruce couldn’t even afford a real hospital. Managed Care… It’s ironic, huh? He never managed to care for me.